The Real Housewives of Atlanta Recap – Sour Grapes

Screen shot 2014-01-19 at 10.58.16 PM

How freakin small is Atlanta? Everyone seems to have slept with (or knows someone who has slept with) everyone else’s husbands and boyfriends. The sexual history on this show is so complicated I’m gonna need a chart soon. It’s always seemed as though the Housewives had a silent rule that marriages and kids are off limits. These bitches are playing dirty now.

Is my dress on backwards?

Is my dress on backwards?

 

It’s Peter and Cynthia’s anniversary and Peter had their friend sing a song that he wrote for her.
It went like this:
“When we met I was alone and broke. Thanks to you I can pay my bills again. I love you.”
It didn’t even rhyme. Like come on Peter, if you need a song written you could have asked Kandi.

Nene finally get’s invited to Porsha’s new home, and she comments about how the previous owners left a Deer head on the wall. They aren’t previous owners Nene, they are the current owners. Not only did they leave the Deer head, they left all that furniture too. I imagine if Porsha bought her own furniture it would probably be pink and plastic, or possibly blow up. The girl spent all her money on rent she can’t even afford wine glasses, she didn’t furnish that house. The only thing she brought with her when she moved in was her clothes and that big ass picture of herself she put over the fireplace.

Kenya’s African Prince oil tycoon businessman is still nowhere to be seen. I feel like she probably fell for one of those 419 email scams. She’s been sending him her Bravo check’s so that he can bribe a corrupt banking official to unfreeze the  ₦ 6,546,869,000 he has in his Nigerian bank account and allow him to transfer it into her account. Then he can finally come to America and they can live happily every after.
Kenya has a family dinner and announces that she’s going to have a baby. They’re all like HELL NO YOU BETTER NOT DO THAT. When you’re own family really doesn’t want you to reproduce, that’s a pretty bad sign.

I cannot fully explain the extent to which I don’t care about Kandi’s play. I’d honestly rather watch a Real Housewives of DC reruns than hear her talk about this freakin play.
Lucky for Kandi, Todd is back on board. He just threatened to take that other job to teach her a lesson. Very mature way to handle things. This is gonna be a very happy marriage.

I don’t know what issue Cynthia has with Kandi, but she is bringing her little friend Natalie along to start problems. This girl hates Todd because he cheated on her friend, but that’s not Kandi’s fault. She came on the show being a gossipy bitch so she kinda got what she deserved when Kenya went ahead and informed her that she wasn’t really married to Chris, she was just a common law wife – or at least that what her “husband” tells people behind her back. LOL
Oh the irony of the woman with the fake boyfriend accusing Natalie of having a fake marriage.

I loved the way Kandi handled the situation when they started talking about Todd being an opportunist. That’s how you handle your business and shut bitches up. Kandi is the only one who did a proper job of standing up for her man and showing (or at least pretending) that she believes in him.

I have a feeling Bravo put out a casting call for anyone who has a sexual history of one of the current cast members in order to stir up some drama. Sneaky sneaky Bravo.

The husbands were on WHHL
Todd explains that he dated Natalie’s friend when they were in their 20′s so yeah… he’s “come up” since then because he’s older now. That makes sense. Appollo had a chance to respond to Kenya’s accusation that he was cheating with someone in La and it wasn’t her. He didn’t do a great job of answering that question. His lawyer should have prepared him better. I think he cheated. Andy then asked if any of them have ever met Kenya’s boyfriend. No. Does anyone think he’s real? No.
After that I got bored and stopped watching.

Here are some pictures:

Thanks for getting me on Tv... who you want me to talk shit about again? Oh right, Kandi

Thanks for getting me on Tv… who are we targeting? Oh right, Kandi..

Happy anniversary Cynthia, as my gift to you, I didn't spend any of your money

Happy anniversary Cynthia, this is my gift to you, and I didn’t spend any of your money on this night. Your Welcome.

My African oil tycoon is going to pay for me to be artificially inseminated by doner sperm

My African oil tycoon is going to pay for me to be artificially inseminated by random doner sperm

Child, I will call CPS on you

Child, I will call CPS on you

I can tell you haven't been taking your medication

I can tell you haven’t been taking your medication

Oh Porsha you are so stupid. You can't afford this house.

Oh Porsha you are so stupid. You can’t afford this house.

Yeah I'll be broke in 3 months but it's totally worth it. I'm an independent woman now!

I know, I’ll be broke in 3 months, but it’s totally worth it. I’m being an independent woman!!

Look all I'm saying is that when I was sleeping with Chris last year he told me you weren't his real wife

Look all I’m saying is that when me and your husband were spending time alone together he told me that you’re not his real wife. He said you just live together. You’re basically his room mate.

Shut up you bitch

Shut up you bitch

How dare you call me a bitch when I was trying so hard to be a friend to you

How dare you call me a bitch when I was trying so hard to be a friend to you

Oh I get it! "Underground" "rail" "road" ... Like not a real railroad!

Oh I get it guy! “Underground railroad” … Like not a real railroad! Right?

You bitches are nuts. Where's the vodka?

HAHAHA Porsha you are so dumb it’s painful

I thought sneaking onto this RW buss would be fun... big mistake

I thought sneaking onto this RH bus would be fun… big mistake

Yeah Todd is a social climber, but I'm the top of the ladder so... he's not going anywhere

Yeah Todd is a total social climber, but I’m the top of the latter so he’s not going anywhere. Sorry your friend wasn’t good enough. Sucks to be her!

Here's to sugar mamma's. U know what I mean Phaedra.

Cheer’s to sugar mamma’s! U know what I’m talkin about Phaedra.

The end.

Hey look I’m #1 on Twitter in my area! Yay!

Screen shot 2014-01-17 at 11.40.09 PM

I joined Sulia. I’m still trying to figure out exactly what it is, but check out my page if you want.
Screen shot 2014-01-20 at 2.13.56 AM

7 comments

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s