The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills – Snorefest 2014 Recap

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I’m not exactly sure how to recap nothing… Because that’s what happened this episode. Nothing.

This show has really gotten boring. And cheap. Like bedazzled stick-on nails at the trailer park cheap. I’m so over Carlton and her merry band of hookers. It’s getting to the point where I just cringe when she comes on the screen. I actually don’t dislike Carlton, but like ok lady, we get it, you like to sleep with women and watch strippers, and have lots of sex with different people, now shut up about it!! Carlton should have been on Gypsy Sisters not Beverly Hills. I feel bad for her mother in law. 

At this point I still like Brandi. But I don’t understand the issue between her and Lisa. I’m watching her get increasingly irritated with her, but I’m not understanding why. Brandi says she’s annoyed with Lisa’s “mothering” but I don’t think suggesting that your friend should maybe put the wine bottle down when she’s already too drunk to stand or get her hand looked at when it’s swelling up and turning purple is being like a mother. I think it’s just being a good friend.
After watching Vanderpump Rules (Yes omg I watched it again even though I said I wouldn’t) I’m thinking that maybe Brandi’s problem has more to do with Lisa having Sheanna on her Tv show and helping her get famous more than anything else.

Brandi spent this entire episode crying about her dad. But what the fuck did she expect? I don’t think the details of whether he was a drug dealer or a marijuana grower is really the point here. You’re not supposed to rat out your families’ illegal pasts in a book unless you hate them. Having diarrhea of the mouth is one thing. Spilling someone else’s secrets to make a profit is another.

Joyce takes shooting lessons. I hope she shoots herself in the foot.

I like Yolanda but I she’s kinda boring. I barely even noticed when she wasn’t on the show last week.

The women took boxing lessons and it was so stupid. We don’t want to see them learn self defense, we want to watch celebrity boxing Bravo style. HELLO ANDY?? This was such a tease. The match-ups were supposed to be: Brandi vs Joyce, Kyle vs Yolanda, Kim vs Lisa, and Carlton can punch herself in the face.

Next week Carlton is gonna “put a spell” on Joyce. This is so dumb. Like come on Bravo, get your shit together. Puh – leeze

As for Kim:

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Picture recap:

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By the way I have your “nanny” pay check. There is a little extra in there for the extra’s you gave last week. *wink wink*

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I’m so glad I joined this show so the whole world can see me act like a big slut bag.

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This is an audition for a job at a strip club right?

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Sure…. yeah… strip club. We’re not gonna tie you up in a sex dungeon or anything. Swear.

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Hey Yolanda, do you think David will find it sexy if I play piano for him? …..Oops did I just say that out loud?

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Hi Jacqueline, I’m just calling to let you know that you’re a big fat pig.

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Ok so I just line it up with Brandi’s head, and pull the trigger like this

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Am I holding this right, or should I point it the other way?

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I really love when my hair, skin, and dress color all match.

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Who is this guy and how did I get here? I’m drunk again….

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When Mauricio asked me to be a Jew I was like sure, why not? Now our kids get to have Bat Mitzvah’s and Sweet Sixteens. With all our rich friends hello – Jackpot!

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My next book is gonna be called Drinking and Babysitting

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Who are we and why are we in this recap?

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I’m just really fucking sad. Being so mean to Joyce all the time is difficult, it really takes a lot out of me, ya know?

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Why don’t you try being sober once in a while dahling? Maybe life would be easier if you could see straight.

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And this is how you do autoerotic asphyxiation. David loves it.

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I like to twist Mauricio’s balls like this. Super sexy huh?

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Whats bigger, the gloves or my boobs?

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Come on Joyce, get in the ring with me.
No? Ok. I’ll just make a voodoo doll of you and punch it in the face.

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I need to practice for my audition for The Ultimate Fighter.
I’m on more Tv shows than anyone else! Suck it ladies!

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This is how I learned to throw punches growing up in the trailer park. But we didn’t have these puffy things on our hands, we wore rings. Lots of pointy edged rings.

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I think  my hand is broken. But I’m way too gangster to get it checked out.

9 comments

  1. Haha!! Great recap. Brandi’s too gangster to get her hand looked at. And Lisa would’ve gotten attacked if she didn’t suggest she get her hand looked at. This is a stupid fight.

    1. Yup it’s looking like Lisa is damned if she does, damned if she don’t.
      Still waiting to see this “bad side” of Lisa the HW’s keep talking about…. still not seeing it.
      (starting to think it might just be a case of the jelly belly’s)

  2. I am so glad we BULLIED into blogging again! Otherwise we wouldn’t have gotten ANY laughs out of this abysmal season.

    “Sure…. We’re not gonna tie you up in a sex dungeon or anything. Swear.”

    LOL That’s exactly what I said to the 18 yr. old living next door who claims she heard a woman screaming in our shed at 3 a.m. one night. I have no idea what she actually heard–must have been coming from the crack pipe she was smoking. Oddly, she hasn’t been seen in a long time….
    ;-)

    Welcome back, RCH. I hope you know we’re installing trackers on you in case you try to disappear again.

    1. LOL. I picked a bad time to come back. Bravo isn’t giving me much to work with. But Bea has me chained up in her basement. If I don’t blog I don’t get food so… no choice … help me ….

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