The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Reunion Part 1 #RHOBH

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Ok…. so the whole Brandi said that Lisa lived in the valley story is stupid. And none of them got the point Lisa was trying to make. She wasn’t saying that there is anything wrong with living in the valley. She was saying she never fucking lived there. Not the same thing people.
And the bankruptcy? Brandi looked at Kyle for support on that one. I thought I heard Kyle say Ken told me that, but she got drowned out because everyone was too concerned over whether or not Calabasas is a nice place to live or not. Who fucking care’s. That’s not the point of the argument.
The point is that Lisa made a joke about needing a passport to come to “the valley” and Brandi has been sitting on that insult and letting it fester all this time waiting to get her revenge, and she finally got it for only $9.99! Well…. not exactly.
Unfortunately Brandi is a moron, and forgot that just because you own a property in the valley doesn’t mean that you live in it. Rich people have these things called “investments”… sometimes those investments are restaurants, sometimes they are real estate. Sometimes they are clothing stores, unless you are Kyle in which case it’s just a fun project which is costing your husband a ton of money so that you can have a bigger closet.

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Yolanda tells us that she is operating with only one 5th of her brain function…. Now I’m not a doctor or anything, but if that were true wouldn’t she be drooling and being wheeled into the reunion on a stretcher? I don’t know… just sounds like more excuses to me. She makes it sound like she rises from her death to bravely put on fancy clothes and do this show for Bravo and then returns to the hospital at night to fight for her life when the cameras are off.
She doesn’t look frail, or sick, or like she’s suffering from diminished brain capacity. She just seems spoiled and selfish.
As for the hearts: that was on purpose because you were being bitchy. That’s it. Stop fucking lying.

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See this whole part here – no brain. And the other part over there – no brain either. No brain anywhere, just bubbles and insecurity.

 

 

Did Yolanda seriously say that Lisa didn’t bring her a freakin Starbucks? Can’t she pay someone to get her coffee? Fuck Yolanda, Lisa is busy she doesn’t have time for your bullshit.
Yolanda is still going on about that stupid painting party OMG. Holy shit Yolanda, she missed an afternoon at your house, it’s not like she forgot to pick you up from school in the middle of winter when you were only 5 years old.
Yolanda says she was almost crying, that’s how badly it hurt her that Lisa wasn’t there. Umm… is this a friendship or like Single White Female over here? Because I’m starting to get concerned for Lisa’s safety.

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Lisa, I just want to skin you and wear you like last years Versace! Is that too much to ask? If you were my real friend and not a Hollywood friend you would let me do it.

I’m predicting it right here, right now: Yolanda will be divorced within a year.
If she behaves half as needy with David as she does with Lisa he’ll be running away from her very soon.

Poor Lisa, none of these women actually want to be her friend, they all want to be her children.
It’s all about me me me me.
And you did that for her but not for me.
And if you really cared you would have done this, and if we were really friends you would have done that
Omfg it must be exhausting.
What do any of these women ever do for Lisa? I don’t know that I’ve ever heard Lisa ask any of them for a favor, or complained if one of them didn’t show up to one of her parties.

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Oh I’m so tired of this fucking bullshit….

Yolanda got her apology from Lisa, but I suspect Lisa said it just to keep the peace because of the family connections and to get Yolanda to shut the fuck up. But I have a sneaking suspicion that this won’t be the last we hear of the finger painting fiasco.

On to Kim… what did I tell you guys a few recaps ago? This show is the only thing keeping Kim even sorta sober-ish so they’re not going to fire her. Did you see Andy’s face when she said the show saved her life? He was like Oh shit… now we’re stuck with her. One suicide on this show is explainable, but two? Kim is totally gonna be back next year guys.

Holy fucking shit, did she just say I'm responsible for her life?

 

Someone wrote in and said they’re worried that Kinglsey is going to eat Kim one day. I wouldn’t be surprised at all. Andy probably has his fingers crossed so they don’t have to renew her contract. Kim had more things to say but I wasn’t paying attention.

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I don’t mind when Kingsley bites me, it saves me the trouble of having to cut myself when the pain becomes too much.

Well, now we know why Brandi immediately hated Joyce. Because she tried to get Joyce to join the campaign against Lisa. Joyce not only didn’t go along with the plan, but she told Lisa what Brandi was saying. Brandi says she was just trying to help Joyce out and teach her how to navigate with a new group of women.
Joyce says nope, Brandi was trying to put shit in her ear about Lisa.
Unfortunately, Joyce was new and annoying so no one cared about what she had to say at that time.

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Andy wants to talk about Brandi saying Joyce settled for a fat ugly guy who said he would make her famous. Joyce fires back by saying she’s seen Brandi kissing plenty of short ugly guys, one in particular while her tampon string was hanging out.
I’m starting to think maybe Joyce should stick around for another season.
Brandi says that yes, she was kissing that short ugly man who promised to make her famous, but he’s her gay-gent not her husband so it doesn’t count OK?!

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Tampon strings are the newest fashion trend. Get with it Mrs. Sochi.

Joyce claims that she makes her own money but doesn’t explain how. Then Brandi tells her she’s dressed like an ice skater. LOL. But I imagine it would have been funnier if Lisa had said it. Andy is all like confused…he’s like you think she looks like an ice skater? … Like in her outfit? YES ANDY! Get with it. Please.

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You mean like ice skating, like skating on ice, like what they do at the Olympics?

Next Andy wants to talk about the black people can’t swim thing. Brandi reminds everyone that she fucks black guys so she can’t be racist. Moot point.
Next they want to talk about Joyce’s tight vagina, her husbands big penis, and Carlton’s donkey dick. Ahhhhh my ears!!!
That’s why I love Lisa. “Once a year, on his birthday”. Take a clue from the Queen you classless whores. Please.

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If elegance is learned then trash can’t be contagious, right? I hope not.

Calrton is mad at Brandi because Brandi talked about their make out session on national TV when Carlton hadn’t yet explained to her children that Mommy kisses girls. But she kissed Brandi in the pool in Palm Springs in front of the cameras. So unless her daughters are blind… that kinda ruins her argument.
I’m assuming Carlton has already had the sex dungeon / s&m / female escort / three-some / sex party / why we have a giant bed / stripper pole talk with them.

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Brandi complains that Lisa would drink with her till 4am when the cameras weren’t around, but then act like she was concerned about Brandi drinking too much when the cameras were there, and in Brandi’s mind this makes Lisa fake.
No, this makes Lisa SMART you dumb fuck. She doesn’t care how dunk and messy you get in her home when no one is around, but obviously she was trying to stop you from making a fool out of yourself on national TV. When you’re calling people pigs and drinking straight from the bottle with your underwear showing and a camera in your face, yeah.. I think that’s the time a good friend tries to shut it down.
Not only Brandi doesn’t appreciate that, she still doesn’t realize that hey, maybe Lisa was right and if she would have listened to half her advice she wouldn’t have come across as a messy bitchy drunk all season. I really wonder who is the one with the diminished brain capacity here. Yolanda or Brandi. Or all of them.

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I still don’t get why Joyce not jumping in the pool makes her a bad host, and it was never explained. Yolanda just likes to make up stupid and pointless rules about everything so she has something to complain about. It’s her favorite sport.

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They talk about whether Lisa’s faint was real or not. But what they really wanted to say was we are so fucking jealous that you got picked for Dancing With The Stars and not us so we’re gonna try to make you look bad to get you back for making us feel jealous.
But this is the reunion, not honesty hour, so no one is actually saying that.

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Dancing sucks. We would never want to do something like that.


They all say that Lisa can dish it but she can’t take it – and they use the fainting thing as an example. But ITS NOT THE SAME THING!!!  Lisa can take jokes. She makes them about herself all the time. If they made fun of her fainting that would be one thing. Saying she fake fainted wasn’t making fun of her, it was calling her a liar. Not the same thing.
Andy didn’t seem to get the difference. This is why Andy shouldn’t host the reunions. He fucking sucks. Dr. Laura would have picked up on that, explained the difference to these dim wits, then pulled out their deepest insecurities and beat them each over the head with them one by one until everyone was on the floor in tears.
Then her and Lisa would leave to have lunch at SUR and make fun of how fucked up the rest of the women are.

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On BravoTV.com extra’s Andy asked about the meanest tweets the women have gotten.

Kyle says the meanest tweet she got was from someone who said they wish her and her sisters would die of breast cancer like their mother did. That’s actually really mean. Andy asked her what she did, Kyle said after she stopped crying she retweeted it, and the person got so much hate from her fans that they had to shut down their twitter account.

Lisa’s meanest tweet was from someone who said she should boil Jiggy in a pot and eat him. I wonder if it was sent by one of Yolanda’s secret accounts…

Yolanda says the worst one she got was from someone who said they hope she stays brain dead forever…. she didn’t respond because she couldn’t think of anything to say back. Hahah!

Carlton says the meanest tweet she got said that she was a whore and her daughters should be embarrassed by her. I think that one was from me actually.

Brandi says she gets so many mean tweets every day that she can’t even think of one to pick out as the worst. She says she just tells everyone to fuck off. But at least she doesn’t block! I gotta give her that.

Andy calls Kim’s tweets motivational. I call them fucking nuts. Kim says she gets mean tweets from people saying she must be drinking again because of the things she tweets. I’m definitely responsible for tweeting one of those too.

Joyce says she just blocks people. Boringgggg

Usually I don’t talk about blogs unless there is something to make fun of. But I highly suggest you read Lisa’s blog this week. It was perfection. My favorite line was this:

“I don’t define my friends by the amount of time I spend with them. I define them by their loyalty and how much fun I have with them in the time when we are together.”

I totally agree. Read Lisa’s full blog here.

PS.

I found a picture of Yolanda picking her wedgie
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134 comments

  1. I think Andy let Brandi off easy so far. She was obviously coached with her answers and she never let Joyce speak. Yolanda is nuts and constantly contradicts herself. Lisa, pure class. Kyle and Kim, blah blah blah, the witch, just wicked, Joyce, flawless. Great blog!

    1. Brandi looks older, doesn’t she? And not in a good way. Lisa and Joyce are too normal for this spectacle. Kim doesn’t have the intelligence to play with this group. She is one chromosome short of a potato.

          1. I have to interject, I LIVE on Botox, like literally, my face would go into cardiac arrest if I did not get my Tox every 10 weeks, and that is NOT Botox, it is Juvederm and Radiesse and BJ’s. I know this from experience. #iamtrashytoo

    2. Andy is so obvious in his love for Brandi. He let her off easy on Palm Springs, no showing her making fun of Joyce’s accent it is disgusting. So she f’s a black man, a man of every color, that doesn’t clear her from being a racist just a slut. She would do the United Nations if it would sell a book. That has nothing to do with her derogatory statements repeatedly at Joyce. Her complaint of Lisa is Lisa was looking out for her when camera’s turned on? Really??

  2. Spot on! I was beyond frustrated no one got the point of the Calabasas story. Now that I think abt it, I think it was Brandi and Kyles way to deflect away from the fact that they were spreading lies. Andy is such a worthless host or whatever it’s called, just as bad as on WWHL. because Lisa was gracious enough to go ahead and apologize, Yolanda actually thinks she won that battle. Y and B are both just clueless. I wanted to scream while they argued their points as they made no sense. Glad it’s finally over, the season I mean.

  3. Dying laughing at your description of Yolanda’s 5% brain function & her daily activities Bahahaha, love your scenarios PYHU! I watched a re-run of the NY housewives reunion last night – Scary Island year. Yo and Kelly make about equal sense on their rants and vociferating about others treatment. These two should have a Bravo special together or at the very least a vote “who’s brain has less brain function”. Maybe throw Kim in the mix.

    I LOVE the Valley! I grew up in the Valley :) and yes there are areas in the big big Valley I felt like I needed a visa to visit and never at night.

    Excellent blog! I’m still laughing and I’ll re-read just to get another laugh, thanks.

    1. Yolanda needs a good bra & 2/5th’s of her brain back. She’s insufferable. Yeah. She’s gonna be dumped because she’s an asshole. And not for anything, I’d give anything to look like an ice skater. Didn’t read the whole post. Will be back…

      1. On a roll here. Brandi, Amazonian. Don’t wear high, horrid red shoes to accentuate that “quality”. Statuesque is a subtle look. She failed, again. Turned out to be a total dipshit.

  4. “Needing a passport to get to the valley” is just a funny way to say that it’s a long drive to get there. Brandi didn’t get the joke. She’s an idiot. I agree that Andy is a terrible host. It really pissed me off when Joyce was talking and Carlton told her to shut up. I would like to see Joyce return for a second season.

    1. The passport comment is not just Lisa that says it, it’s an LA thing. Brandi is an idiot you’re right, she personalized the passport thing.

    2. Also in Europe you can drive to other countries easily in relatively short distances; so Lisa probably made the “passport” joke without thinking it was offensive in any way. Brandi, being so insecure, is probably always looking for perceived slights. I guess she’s getting all she can handle now–from fans of the show.

      Clearly none of these dolts know anything of English Lit. or Shakespeare. Lisa’s play on words is classic, English-style pun: Maloof-Hoof; Vander-Pump? It wasn’t an attack on Adrienne or her shoes. (We saw the same attempt to create an insult from nothing last season.) Ken is right: Lisa is the only reason we remember Ad’s shoes. I thought I’d DIE at the last Reunion when Team Adrienne went nuts as Lisa called it a “cute, fat little shoe”. It was a stubby toe on a towering heel, which all those mile-high shoes look that way to me. But IT’S A SHOE! You’d have thought she said ADRIENNE was a cute, fat little woman. (And hence my “Real Witches of BH” blog was born.lol)

      These women are all too unsophisticated to keep up with Lisa. That’s the plain truth. Add in the lack of good education with the Richards sisters, Brandi, and Yoyo, and they’re scared silly of Lisa’s intelligence and poise. It’s not her fault they’re dumb, but she’s really throwing her pearls before swine. I hope she’s repaid in her business successes. Otherwise I imagine she feels rather let down by now.

  5. I love your blog. I always laugh lots, loving your insight!

    Brandi is lacking brain matter with her comments. Doesn’t she realize that Kyle always gets others to fight her battles and bad mouth others for her and that she will never own up to it. Yes, real estate transactions are public record and if Lisa owned property there, it may be listed incorrectly as a former residence. Those sites that you pay for…and I never did, do make mistakes. They had my age as my husband’s age and my children mixed up with age, etc. and that was the free part. Why are they so reputable just because they want your ten dollars?
    Oh, by the way, I watched the reunion with a doctor who laughed hysterically at Yolanda’s remark about using a small portion of her brain. It makes no sense at all and he studied infectious diseases. It was no excuse for her behavior. She just wants her own home show about decorating, etc, and showing the painting, and bragging about how she decorated Mohamed’s places, her home ( that is now said to be for sale…maybe deer ticks live there that carry Lyme?), and even Gigi’s over the top New York apartment (Did you see Gigi in the audience on DWTS, rooting for her boyfriend Cody ..bet he loves her NY place,..and all the lucky college friends who get to visit, especially now, after her recent nude photo shoot.)
    Kim is milking her alcoholism recovery to guarantee her a spot for next year. I cannot stand watching her either. Andy sickens me with the leading questions to start fights. Someone get Teresa G in here to put that man in his place please. I agree that he should leave and they should get an impartial…well if that is possible…but fair mediator for the reunions.
    At this point, the only person I want to see is Lisa. She has a fantastic sense of humor, and is so quick-witted. She laughs off a lot, but others are too uptight to do the same. She is so much fun to watch. If only the others would see how truly caring she is. She does her best to not taint her reputation as a business woman and mother with the lies that others spew, not lowering herself to their level. She protected Brandi, trying, as you said, to keep her from making an arse of herself on the screen for everyone to see.Brandi’s maturity, Yolanda’s, Kim’s, and Kyle’s are like a gang of immature teens who are truly bad girls and bullies. Brandi won’t stop criticizing others either. What makes her holier than thou? I have had it with them all…except Lisa Vanderpump, the epitome of class and taste with the ability to have fun, not at others’ expense.

    1. You’re right on point about both Yolanda and the properties. Yolanda and her illness are as real as her “friendships” (“Methinks the lady doth protest too much”) We have a couple of properties & those sites show us living at all 3.

    2. I have a young family member who had lyme meningitis, awful but thankfully fully recovered, and the doctors were more concerned about its impact on the heart, never mentioned “brain function” though I think this disease can manifest in many ways. But you may have a point about Yolanda selling her house because the specialist said that contracting lyme is worse by the water, go figure.

      1. Read this for more info on how Lyme affects the brain. http://www.aldf.com/Misinformation_about_Lyme_Disease.shtml. Memory problems are common…but read the article. Yolanda was not using one fifth of her brain. She did not show signs of paralysis or facial palsy etc. I have herds of deer in my yard daily and am educated about the disease,have pulled ticks off my family,etc. I am also an RN. I know it can be very debilitating in some more than others and it is no fun to have at all, however, Yolanda has been far too active based on her timeline on Twitter from her own posts about trips, etc. and what we see on RHOBH to be one of those severely affected. She is making herself look like a spokesperson for Lyme’s for the attention she receives. She made no sense at all with her comment. She would be a vegetable with one fifth of her brain…or maybe a fruit…lemons maybe?

        1. Thanks for the link I’m going to read that later.

          So yeah, that’s what I’m saying – can you walk and talk with only a 5th of your brain working?? And for a woman who doesn’t have much of a brain to begin with, having only a 5th to work with must be extra difficult.

          1. Ha ha! That’s so funny. Maybe her doctor said, Yo, you are clearly functioning with one fifth the intelligence of the normal brain. That has nothing to do with Lyme’s Disease…maybe it’s from all the lemons. Lemons…Lyme’s Oh my!

          2. I’m not really a fan of Yolanda, but maybe she meant to say that she lost a 5th of her brain function? Surely she just said it wrong?

        2. My main issue with Yolanda’s Lyme Disease argument is that she says she’s been bed ridden for 18 months. I must have a terrible recollection, but the last two seasons would’ve been filmed during those 18 months, or at least the one season prior to this one, right? I think we saw her in bed once… MAYBE twice. I don’t doubt that she had/has Lyme Disease, but I’m suspect of how bad it’s actually been.

          1. It’s as bad as her contract says. They went to lunch on a rooftop, Carlton’s goth house, The OK Corral in Puerto Rico, Beverly Hill 100th Anniversary of Botox/City, forgot Palm Springs’ High Noon, she seemed okay, though we can’t guarantee she wasn’t carrying a batter pack.

  6. Yolanda’s excuses run lame. So the whole season her strategic maneuvers with the Richard sister and Brandi against Lisa was purely the Lyme disease kicking in. How convenient. Well now we know how “The Walking Dead” got their virus, it was Yolanda’s Lyme disease, it jumped networks.

    1. I grew up on Long Island, lots of deer ticks. Know a few people with Lyme disease. Physically debilitating, yes. But didn’t make them into assholes.

      1. Exactly! Guess it only rears it’s ugly head when Lisa is around, hmm sounds reasonable if your in an alternate universe with leprechauns and fairies and painted tiles.

    2. Am I the only one who ponders how starving myself repeatedly for weeks with only lemon juice intake might affect MY BRAIN? I can’t miss one meal at my age without getting faintish and queasy. Yolo must be 50 now, so she’s not far behind. (Take that, old woman! No more Rich Daddys for you. They’ll be after your daughters. Guess you starved them well for that, though, so it’s all good.)

  7. I think you’re right about Dr. Laura hosting these reunions… or at least Dr. V, so Bravo could get the cross promotion.

    Of all the things that make Brandi look dumb, the dumbest is her spending 9.99 to confirm a rumor she heard. It ranks up their with subscribing to the tabloids; Brandi is stupid and low class, and the women brush right past what it really means (Brandi not only buys, but subscribes to magazines that trash her and her co stars so she can keep tabs on her ex, she will spare no expense to find out the ‘truth’ about a ‘friend’) to stand on her side against Lisa.

    Carlton is OK kissing women (not that there’s anything wrong with that), flirting with her nanny, and designing a sex room on camera, but Joyce talking about her husband’s penis? Ew, gross, her virgin ears.

    The fact that Mohammed stands with Lisa is really all you need to say about Yolo.

    1. Yeah, not getting Carlton, needed to talk to her daughter about kissing Brandi, but not the dungeon in their house and her in appropriate ways with their grandmother at a sex shop. Not getting it at all.

        1. I’m actually wondering if Lisa is being set up to leave this show. I know Andy loves hanging with the bawdy & outrageous, drag-queen wannabe Brandi, but I was surprised at how much he let the others dog Lisa, even asking leading questions himself, but NEVER allowing Lisa to get out an answer without being attacked. The cast did that to her all season. I watched this stupid Reunion expecting her to finally be able to speak; it didn’t happen in Part 1. It was boring hearing the same endless repetition of accusations against Lisa–all petty and childish.

              1. I believe the quotes must be accurate. Otherwise, Lisa would be all over them as made-up? Seems she’s finally had enough and went on the record, though not sure if it was TO ROL or another interview quoted by ROL? (Thanks for link.)

              1. Thanks. I saw that today and after I posted, I remember Lisa saying in the past something about another housewife running to Radar Online with lies…and thought maybe I was wrong with posting it….just in case…hence the retraction.

          1. You’re right about Andy, I was thinking the same thing, how he seems to favor the housewives that are loud and crass. Not that I necessarily dislike all these women, but it is what it is. Brandi, Tamra Barney, Ramona, Nene, Kim Zolziac, Adriana, and one can say Teresa, she even pushed him.

          2. I think she just gave up a little. She knows the fans aren’t stupid and can see what’s going on… so she just let the hens squawk.

            1. I agree, I think she doesn’t need to say much since we see it all on video. I do believe she was blindsided, but hindsight I do think she could see where Brandi was being shady.

    2. I was hoping for Tabatha Coffey as a host actually. Talk about being able to call out stupidity for what it is…

      As for Kyle feeding Brandi the info on Lisa (and then threatening Kyle with more gossip from her in her blogs) this is the lowest of the low, considering as their realtor, Mauricio would have access to their financials. This realization will hurt way more than those cheating rumors. Rumors which I will point out were increased in volume when Brandi came on the show. She claimed to have “proof” of Mauricio cheating. It would serve Kyle well to kiss Brandi’s ass if it were true. Right now she is awfully forgiving of Brandi throwing her under the bus.

      1. OMG. I hadn’t even thought of Mauricio having the financial info of Lisa and Ken. No wonder Kyle looked so shocked in a guilty-as-hell-but-I’m-denyingdenyingdenying look when Brandi brought that up.

        This would add up. If Mauricio was the source of Kyle’s and Brandi’s gossip blasted to the tabs, I can imagine he was furious with Kyle. What a betrayal of his clients’ confidentiality by Mauricio that would have been. Gasp!

        Let’s imagine how that might have gone down: Filtered through the mental midgets Kyle and Brandi, “Ken and Lisa lived in Calabasas” and “nearly filed for bankruptcy” was the translation of “owned properties in Calabasas” and “lost a lot on their investments” during the recent, historic economic bust and subsequent massive recession. (Even we poor white trash lost a third of our assets in real estate during that nightmare.) It folded many a business, as most of us who pay bills know. Restaurants here closed at an alarming rate.

        So perhaps Lisa and Ken did what any savvy business people do: they sold their larger home and downsized to that shack they now “habitate”–ha, we all should be so desperate–to use the equity to stay afloat and keep their businesses and bank accounts healthy (like many beleaguered investors did). (Getting away from Adrienne and Mad Chef Bernie was just a bonus.)

        Ha! No wonder Kyle sat so quietly on the couch. Yes, that would be the WORST POSSIBLE REPUTATION for Mauricio, whose rich customers have to hand over their financial statements; “Trust me and have your business reputation ruined by my gossipy big-mouth wife and her social-climbing idiot friends!”

        Maybe Brandi was telling the truth that Kyle was “the source” and Kyle lied about it. Or put another way, they BOTH played the “whisper” game and when it came out the other end, “their truth” was not “the truth.” So Kyle is already feeling the Brandi-burn, I’m guessing.

        Of course I’m just speculating, but I think you may have busted Kyle AND Mauricio, Rebecca. Good catch!

          1. Didn’t Mo sell them the first house – the one across from Adrienne’s – when they first moved back to LA? I thought that was how they became acquainted with Mo & Vyle.

          2. I’m confused. Do you mean he sold their first home, but didn’t sell them their current home? Or they didn’t go through a bank or mortgage co. to buy their current home? Paid cash?

            1. He helped them buy the house across from Maloof Hoof, so they let him sell it. Meanwhile, their true friend Martin found them Villa Rosa, otherwise known as my dream house.

              1. LOL Thanks. Yes, Villa Rosa is breathtaking.

                Well, whatever went on, I’m sure the accusations and recriminations will continue. As for me, I’m hanging around to the bitter end of this season, but I’m going to have an intervention with myself immediately after the Reunion ends: enough mean girls stuff!

  8. Your blog ranks as one of the best. It’s wickedly witty and dead on when you’re dissecting the HW personality flaws and neuroses. In Brandi’s case, it’s probably escalated to psychosis — she obviously hears voices in her head that tell her she’s funny enough to be a comedienne or that every woman around her is jealous.

  9. Thanks guys for all the compliments!!!

    Andy def let Brandi off wayyy to fucking easy. He’s the worst host evaaaaa

    I still don’t understand why it’s ok for Brandi to buy the tabloids in the first place. *I* don’t even buy them because I won’t support that filth, I can’t imagine if a friend of mine was in one.

    1. Not only did she buy them, it seems that she held onto them for months…unless I’m confused (which happens often) didn’t Kyle say something to that effect to Lisa?

      1. She could have gotten the story right from her best friend who works at a Tabloid. She said she forewarn Kyle about the story coming out, so why did she need the printed form. Oh that’s right she needed it for the plausible story of how fake Lisa was. Sure, sure.

    2. Um…Andy LOVES the tabloid gossip and HW snark. As the true Puppet-Master of this franchise, he LIVES for this kind of backstabbing, bitch-biting catfight. That’s why he created it! That’s why he loves Brandi so much.

      So I’d say to Dr. FrankenAndy: Brandi is your greatest creation. She’s the worst horror you ever dreamed up. Just be careful she doesn’t destroy you.

    3. Hey RCH honey pie,

      I take Amtrak a lot (can’t drive), travel Florida/New York quite frequently & buy those stupid rags then fall asleep. I’d rather your blog!

  10. Yup the whole point of living in the valley was missed. Also I heard Lisa say (when Andy tried to put her on the spot) that she didn’t mind the fact that the girls were making fun of the way she fainted, what hurt was that they said she faked it. They missed the distinction there too. In fact they missed a whole lot – not surprising as they’re all rather brainless. When Lisa said the passport thing was a joke, like Brandi saying she wanted to sleep with Ken was a joke … then Brandi chimed in saying, “that was a joke” … EXACTLY Einstein, that’s the point Lisa was trying to make and it totally went over your empty head. Arrrg these women are so dumb.

  11. Okay, I’m super bummed…Brandi blocked me for saying I’d rather watch the local report on endless loop on the Weather Channel over any program featuring her and she never even threw a FU or STFU my way. I do love the idea of Dr Laura or Dr V moderating the reunions. It’s so apparent that Andy fancies himself an actual cast member of all the Housewives and inserts himself into the drama in ways that derail the whole program. He doesn’t have a sense of humour at all and all too often takes something as mortally serious when it was simply a joke yet insists other more grievous items as simple jokes. I really pity him as well as Brandi, Yolanda, Kyle and Kim for never having the opportunity to experience Monty Python’s Flying Circus or Are You Being Served? They all need a crash course in British humour.

    1. Dr. V has her favorites, she wouldn’t be objective. She wasn’t when she was on NJ Housewives last season. I’m for Tabitha Coffey, too, now THAT would be a reunion!

  12. Just have an oberservation about the comment you need a passport to come down here. A few seasons back wasn’t it Kyle that also made that comment towards where Kim lived the night of Camiles dinner party with all the women and her physic friend. Didn’t Kyle make the same sort of comment about her own sister and where she lived and that’s why Kim drove in her own limo? When they left the party after the horrid display and all the ladies went to the POLO Club.

    So the comment can be used against Lisa but not against Kyle with regards to her own sister?

  13. Just a quick comment about. Yolo and her Chronic Lyme Disease. Key word is chronic. Google it. and have a aha moment. Yes David is divorcing her IMO

    1. Lots of damage control going on there. I haven’t seen so many couples pictures with Yolanda and David Foster EVER on twitter

    2. Kind of OT, but I am so shocked at the nude photos of Gigi on the “train” trip allegedly “moving” to NYC? Is that made up storyline or was Yolo on that trip, as well? I can’t imagine a mother being happy about those pics. I’d be horrified. Gigi’s barely legal and if her father and step-father aren’t horrified, I don’t even want to imagine why,

      Is that what Yolo was striving for while starving her daughter? Oh well, guess that’s the price of being “loved” by your King..

      1. That was a photo shoot for VMan Magazine. I truly doubt Gigi rode a transcontinental train from CA to NYC and had nude pics taken on the train. That is what the magazine is implying, however. The photos appear to be taken on a real train…fancy one, but I can pretty much guarantee that Yolanda made sure she packed a private jet (the only way Yolanda says she flies…with Gigi) and flew with a load of things for Gigi, including little paintings by Mommy’s and Gigi’s friends..,except Lisa…like Gigi really cared. Then they went on a shopping spree for the new apartment. Yolanda starved Gigi for the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition that Gigi was featured in from what I read Yolanda herself said and that’s why the teeny bite of going away cake. She mentioned on an episode, unless I am mistaken, that Gigi can model and help pay for college, some time ago. She seems to want Gigi to make as much money with her body as she can now while she is young…and I guess anything goes…full nudity..with proper hand placement…wet t-shirts…she has done it all, and she is only nineteen. As a parent, I would worry if I was in Yo’s shoes, having a daughter in NYC, which happens to be far from CA…alone…and modeling like that…so provocatively. The apartment was not the smartest idea…with no RA like in a dorm…no rules….IMHO.

  14. Hahaha! Hands down my new favourite reality blog. So spot on!

    Yep, Totally agree with you on Yolanda getting divorced in the future. I see David’s affection getting dimmer and dimmer each time he is on the show… its almost like he’s faking it to mask newly acquired disgust due to her dim-whit behaviour.

    The only way t save herself is to freaking LEAVE the show now. Lets hope.

    1. It reminds me of Kelsey back when he was traveling and Camille was alone a lot. He smiled for the cameras in the beginning. Camille seemed so sure of him before she was faced with the truth.
      Yolanda is very insecure, afraid her man will leave for a younger woman and always talking about staying fit, fasting, being the perfect housewife with the perfect house and pampering her man, etc. She is wife number four and she hit 50. Anything can happen. Maybe he just doesn’t want to be on the show…but maybe he will get sick of Yo.

      1. Who cares if David is sick of her, we sure are. That has to be a terrible position to be in, fading beauty, 4th wife, crabby and chronically ill. Not buying the downsizing due to kids leaving either.

        1. I read she was leaving because the big house was too big for her to manage now. Guess it is hard to give orders to too many of the help at one time? She uses Lyme’s as her excuse for everything too. I don’t care about her marriage either. I just look at David’s track record…not good…like Kelsey’s. I would think they have pre-nuptial agreements too. From what I just read, however, deer can live in the dry coastal regions of southern CA. My guess for her move (though she won’t say for fear that others won’t buy her home) ..is that she is afraid that deer ticks, known to carry Lyme’s, are In her yard from visiting deer and may reinfect her or infect her family. Just my take on it. It makes sense.

  15. I still can’t get over Yolanda and her 18 months confinement, and no one brought her Starbucks? The horror, maybe that is why she became a citizen, she thought it would get to her faster. If David was such a king you would thing he could sent a subject or two to get a cup of joe. Either way glad she had the strength for a painting party with people her daughter barely knew to paint the special tiles to put up on that special wall across the country. Now that I think of it, I understand now why she went to New York, she was sick as we are to here one more Lyme disease excuse. I get it now.

  16. Alrighty then…. You are all Christians here and is clear you don’t want to talk to me because I know Wiccan! Nobody likes me here, so I’m packing all my crosses and stories and going home. See who’s going to give you local information on the housewives now, just wait cause OC is starting and you won’t have me! None answer me but I see you answering everyone else. You’re all “Hollywood friends” if I make grammar error is because of my disease and my limited brain function, plus I’m from another country Timbuktu, wait till I get my American citizenship and I can then comment on other blogs where people will actually want to interact with me! Got that off my chest!

    YoCarlton

  17. I agree with ur recap in its entirety. It’s so easy to see how the other women (Brandi, Kyle, Yolanda & Kim) appear to be negative towards Lisa for some slight transgression. They’ve blown everything completely out of proportion and they themselves are guilty of some of the things they accuse Lisa of, particularly Yolanda.

  18. Brandi, just go away with your stalking Lisa on the internet. According to one of those sites where you can see the stuff for free, I have my boyfriend’s last name. With my bf, we were at a store and I was signing up for a credit card from that store. At the same time, he’s paying the bill for my purchase with his credit card while I was signing up for my own card. That’s how easy these things can be mistaken. I know this because I filled out the form in my name and the credit card came to me with my first name and his last name on it. I called the store and they corrected it. But according to computer world, you get married or take on your bf’s last name from a credit card approval. LOL

    I think Lisa is just too classy for this show, unless they recast mostly everyone.

  19. Well I can see that Yolanda’s thumbs work at least in a downward position and she is teaching (brainwashing) the simple minded Brandi to do it too. Bless her (very) little heart, she is learning.

        1. Remember the troll from the old blog that spoke mostly gibberish at first, but then became kinda friendly and definitely funny? Ah, I miss that guy. He was entertaining.

        2. See, I’m thinking the opposite: they really REALLY like us! But we’ve hurt their feelies. Somehow.

          Well, I can snark, it’s true. So I’ll take my thumbs downs in stride and say a few Hail Andys.

          Perhaps some penitence? Alms! Alms! Alms for the rich?

  20. OK so basically …… NEXT SEASONS PREDICTED CONTENT:

    Brandi “realises” that KYLE is actually the “major chess-master” who MADE her turn on her beloved Lisa with all her “ear whisperings”. Brandi says “OMG BAD KYLE BAD! Now I’m going to have to vomit out all of YOUR secrets as revenge for all this puppeteering!!!! NOT COOLl!!! *whine, curse, pout and drink some more*”

    Haha… I swear to god that is what’s coming ;)

  21. it looks like Brandi is looking at/talking to Lisa in that pic. I’m starting to think more and more that this whole thing is just for show!

  22. Good grief, those long waist- length spirally fake hair curls on middle aged women look ridiculous. I predict in the future they will be viewed like the big teased, sprayed, bangs up hair of the 80’s.

  23. RCH, have you seen the blog on Stoopid Housewives’ site about your VERY FAV, Carlton? I found it from another blog which mentioned it, and I swear you’re going to LUV LUV LUV it…unless you HATE HATE HATE it:

    http://stoopidhousewives.com/2014/02/15/rhobh-carltongebbia13-starring-in-2001bad-movie-as-carlton-elizabeth-scathing-reviews/

    One little trivia item I found looking at her IMDB bio: one of her early films was produced by “Mystique Films Inc.” It was a soft porn film called “Sexperiment”, in which she played a bit part, apparently. Not that this is related to anyone currently in her life or anything….

  24. OMG, I love this blog! Finally, someone who sees things the same as I do(it never ceases to amaze me how people can see things so differently!). I haven’t seen any this good/funny since Lynn in Chicago (RIP).

  25. I can’t believe I just found this blog… most entertaining recap I’ve read. Definitely going to read as much as I can!!!! Hilarious 😊

  26. Almost choked on my wine when I read about Yolanda caught picking her wedgie. By the way, in my neck of the jungle, when panties, underwear, etc. slides into a person’s butt crack on its own accord, that is called a “melvin”. When someone helps said piece of clothing slide in there, it is a “wedgie”.

      1. I agree, Tuz! When my undies go astray I always say I have a wedgie, but according to our Fairweather Viewer friend, I actually am afflicted with a melvin. Who knew??!! I’m gonna try and make it catch on, though. I think my friends IRL will enjoy the term.

    1. There is a picture from last years reunion where Yolanda is picking her “melvin” also! She must do that regularly. ewwww….

  27. I think Yolanda is using her lyme disease to bind David to her. It would make him look bad to not take care of her. I know it can be a horrible illness, but most people who suffer it don’t film 2 seasons of a tv show and do all the press and lead a full social life, so I tend to be skeptical.

    I also think the pretty nanny is Carlton’s girlfriend as well. She was a little too comfy and chatty for just a nanny.

      1. The blogger has been MIA since Mar 19th. That was the last day she was on Twitter. We are all wondering the same thing. What happened to her, why hasn’t she said a word since then, and we hope she is well. This is not like her if you see all earlier posts. I thought by now maybe someone who knows her, perhaps, would say something. She is surely missed.

        1. I’m very worried about her also. She’s taken breaks before, but I think her closest friends at that time knew why. On twitter there are 2 people that might know. @sweeetbea @MissAmiaSays maybe they can write an update on this blog if they know anything.

            1. I asked one of her closer friends and this is what she said …,

              @MissAmiaSays: @1OtherHeart I’m sure @PutYourHairUp is fine, HW’s are getting boring, she most likely checked out. She’ll be back.

              1. That makes no sense–if she was tired of doing the HW–why not tell us? Why start the BH reunion and not finish? Still concerned…

                1. I agree. It makes no sense not to at least say there would be a gap for some reason. She has been so very responsive to everyone. It is unusual.

  28. Yes, I wish someone would fill us in. I think most of us have lots of affection for her. Smart and funny, the greatest combo.

  29. Well I hope she checks back in …first to tell us she is okay; and second, if not too bored. to fill us in on her thoughts about the final shows. Sending her prayers!

  30. I just discovered this blog and I am in heaven….I hope the blogger is okay and returns soon. I mean – how can she pass up blogging on the Atlanta reunion??

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