Ok…. so the whole Brandi said that Lisa lived in the valley story is stupid. And none of them got the point Lisa was trying to make. She wasn’t saying that there is anything wrong with living in the valley. She was saying she never fucking lived there. Not the same thing people.
And the bankruptcy? Brandi looked at Kyle for support on that one. I thought I heard Kyle say Ken told me that, but she got drowned out because everyone was too concerned over whether or not Calabasas is a nice place to live or not. Who fucking care’s. That’s not the point of the argument.
The point is that Lisa made a joke about needing a passport to come to “the valley” and Brandi has been sitting on that insult and letting it fester all this time waiting to get her revenge, and she finally got it for only $9.99! Well…. not exactly.
Unfortunately Brandi is a moron, and forgot that just because you own a property in the valley doesn’t mean that you live in it. Rich people have these things called “investments”… sometimes those investments are restaurants, sometimes they are real estate. Sometimes they are clothing stores, unless you are Kyle in which case it’s just a fun project which is costing your husband a ton of money so that you can have a bigger closet.
Yolanda tells us that she is operating with only one 5th of her brain function…. Now I’m not a doctor or anything, but if that were true wouldn’t she be drooling and being wheeled into the reunion on a stretcher? I don’t know… just sounds like more excuses to me. She makes it sound like she rises from her death to bravely put on fancy clothes and do this show for Bravo and then returns to the hospital at night to fight for her life when the cameras are off.
She doesn’t look frail, or sick, or like she’s suffering from diminished brain capacity. She just seems spoiled and selfish.
As for the hearts: that was on purpose because you were being bitchy. That’s it. Stop fucking lying.
Did Yolanda seriously say that Lisa didn’t bring her a freakin Starbucks? Can’t she pay someone to get her coffee? Fuck Yolanda, Lisa is busy she doesn’t have time for your bullshit.
Yolanda is still going on about that stupid painting party OMG. Holy shit Yolanda, she missed an afternoon at your house, it’s not like she forgot to pick you up from school in the middle of winter when you were only 5 years old.
Yolanda says she was almost crying, that’s how badly it hurt her that Lisa wasn’t there. Umm… is this a friendship or like Single White Female over here? Because I’m starting to get concerned for Lisa’s safety.
I’m predicting it right here, right now: Yolanda will be divorced within a year.
If she behaves half as needy with David as she does with Lisa he’ll be running away from her very soon.
Poor Lisa, none of these women actually want to be her friend, they all want to be her children.
It’s all about me me me me.
And you did that for her but not for me.
And if you really cared you would have done this, and if we were really friends you would have done that…
Omfg it must be exhausting.
What do any of these women ever do for Lisa? I don’t know that I’ve ever heard Lisa ask any of them for a favor, or complained if one of them didn’t show up to one of her parties.
Yolanda got her apology from Lisa, but I suspect Lisa said it just to keep the peace because of the family connections and to get Yolanda to shut the fuck up. But I have a sneaking suspicion that this won’t be the last we hear of the finger painting fiasco.
On to Kim… what did I tell you guys a few recaps ago? This show is the only thing keeping Kim even sorta sober-ish so they’re not going to fire her. Did you see Andy’s face when she said the show saved her life? He was like Oh shit… now we’re stuck with her. One suicide on this show is explainable, but two? Kim is totally gonna be back next year guys.
Someone wrote in and said they’re worried that Kinglsey is going to eat Kim one day. I wouldn’t be surprised at all. Andy probably has his fingers crossed so they don’t have to renew her contract. Kim had more things to say but I wasn’t paying attention.
Well, now we know why Brandi immediately hated Joyce. Because she tried to get Joyce to join the campaign against Lisa. Joyce not only didn’t go along with the plan, but she told Lisa what Brandi was saying. Brandi says she was just trying to help Joyce out and teach her how to navigate with a new group of women.
Joyce says nope, Brandi was trying to put shit in her ear about Lisa.
Unfortunately, Joyce was new and annoying so no one cared about what she had to say at that time.
Andy wants to talk about Brandi saying Joyce settled for a fat ugly guy who said he would make her famous. Joyce fires back by saying she’s seen Brandi kissing plenty of short ugly guys, one in particular while her tampon string was hanging out.
I’m starting to think maybe Joyce should stick around for another season.
Brandi says that yes, she was kissing that short ugly man who promised to make her famous, but he’s her gay-gent not her husband so it doesn’t count OK?!
Joyce claims that she makes her own money but doesn’t explain how. Then Brandi tells her she’s dressed like an ice skater. LOL. But I imagine it would have been funnier if Lisa had said it. Andy is all like confused…he’s like you think she looks like an ice skater? … Like in her outfit? YES ANDY! Get with it. Please.
Next Andy wants to talk about the black people can’t swim thing. Brandi reminds everyone that she fucks black guys so she can’t be racist. Moot point.
Next they want to talk about Joyce’s tight vagina, her husbands big penis, and Carlton’s donkey dick. Ahhhhh my ears!!!
That’s why I love Lisa. “Once a year, on his birthday”. Take a clue from the Queen you classless whores. Please.
Calrton is mad at Brandi because Brandi talked about their make out session on national TV when Carlton hadn’t yet explained to her children that Mommy kisses girls. But she kissed Brandi in the pool in Palm Springs in front of the cameras. So unless her daughters are blind… that kinda ruins her argument.
I’m assuming Carlton has already had the sex dungeon / s&m / female escort / three-some / sex party / why we have a giant bed / stripper pole talk with them.
Brandi complains that Lisa would drink with her till 4am when the cameras weren’t around, but then act like she was concerned about Brandi drinking too much when the cameras were there, and in Brandi’s mind this makes Lisa fake.
No, this makes Lisa SMART you dumb fuck. She doesn’t care how dunk and messy you get in her home when no one is around, but obviously she was trying to stop you from making a fool out of yourself on national TV. When you’re calling people pigs and drinking straight from the bottle with your underwear showing and a camera in your face, yeah.. I think that’s the time a good friend tries to shut it down.
Not only Brandi doesn’t appreciate that, she still doesn’t realize that hey, maybe Lisa was right and if she would have listened to half her advice she wouldn’t have come across as a messy bitchy drunk all season. I really wonder who is the one with the diminished brain capacity here. Yolanda or Brandi. Or all of them.
I still don’t get why Joyce not jumping in the pool makes her a bad host, and it was never explained. Yolanda just likes to make up stupid and pointless rules about everything so she has something to complain about. It’s her favorite sport.
They talk about whether Lisa’s faint was real or not. But what they really wanted to say was we are so fucking jealous that you got picked for Dancing With The Stars and not us so we’re gonna try to make you look bad to get you back for making us feel jealous.
But this is the reunion, not honesty hour, so no one is actually saying that.
They all say that Lisa can dish it but she can’t take it – and they use the fainting thing as an example. But ITS NOT THE SAME THING!!! Lisa can take jokes. She makes them about herself all the time. If they made fun of her fainting that would be one thing. Saying she fake fainted wasn’t making fun of her, it was calling her a liar. Not the same thing.
Andy didn’t seem to get the difference. This is why Andy shouldn’t host the reunions. He fucking sucks. Dr. Laura would have picked up on that, explained the difference to these dim wits, then pulled out their deepest insecurities and beat them each over the head with them one by one until everyone was on the floor in tears.
Then her and Lisa would leave to have lunch at SUR and make fun of how fucked up the rest of the women are.
On BravoTV.com extra’s Andy asked about the meanest tweets the women have gotten.
Kyle says the meanest tweet she got was from someone who said they wish her and her sisters would die of breast cancer like their mother did. That’s actually really mean. Andy asked her what she did, Kyle said after she stopped crying she retweeted it, and the person got so much hate from her fans that they had to shut down their twitter account.
Lisa’s meanest tweet was from someone who said she should boil Jiggy in a pot and eat him. I wonder if it was sent by one of Yolanda’s secret accounts…
Yolanda says the worst one she got was from someone who said they hope she stays brain dead forever…. she didn’t respond because she couldn’t think of anything to say back. Hahah!
Carlton says the meanest tweet she got said that she was a whore and her daughters should be embarrassed by her. I think that one was from me actually.
Brandi says she gets so many mean tweets every day that she can’t even think of one to pick out as the worst. She says she just tells everyone to fuck off. But at least she doesn’t block! I gotta give her that.
Andy calls Kim’s tweets motivational. I call them fucking nuts. Kim says she gets mean tweets from people saying she must be drinking again because of the things she tweets. I’m definitely responsible for tweeting one of those too.
Joyce says she just blocks people. Boringgggg
Usually I don’t talk about blogs unless there is something to make fun of. But I highly suggest you read Lisa’s blog this week. It was perfection. My favorite line was this:
“I don’t define my friends by the amount of time I spend with them. I define them by their loyalty and how much fun I have with them in the time when we are together.”
I totally agree. Read Lisa’s full blog here.