Carlton’s Systematic Hypocrisy #RHOBH

I didn’t get to watch the show yet because the stream was messed up last night so I could only hear the sound, and it’s not posted online yet. And Bravo hates Canadians. The usual.
Carlton of course didn’t put her blog up yet, I assume that’s because she’s desperately trying to figure out what she can possibly write to make people hate her less.
I have the answer for that: nothing.
She hasn’t even tweeted anything since the 2nd. I assume she’s in her church house hiding from the massive negative energy being directed her way.

Since I don’t have a recap yet I made a list of Life Rules According to Carlton. I suggest you all study them so you can learn how to be more positive, open minded, loving people.

Lesson 1:
– Killing bee’s in your back yard = You are evil and full of negative energy
– Eating meat from animals that spend their lives suffering in factory farms and are killed in inhumane ways so that you can stuff your face on a sidewalk = You are full of love and light and are one with nature

(Click here to watch the Docu: Food Inc)

But this isn’t an animal, it’s a hamburger!

– Playing with Dolphins that are locked in a watery prison for your child’s entertainment = expressing your love of animals.

(Click here to watch the Docu: Black Fish)

How are we gonna show our love if we can’t kiss them??

– Clipping a bird’s wings so they can’t fly away from your cheesy family photo =  Totally OK!!

They’re only being tortured a bit, not murdered

– But don’t fuck with Bee’s or spiders. Their lives are PRECIOUS.

Lesson 2:
– Asking someone if they have a Star of David tattoo when you know they’re not Jewish =  you are rude and ignorant
– Having a Cross tattoo when you’re not Christian = you are edgy and cool

Lesson 3:
– Not believing in curses = Complete disrespect of all things Wiccan
– Not believing in Jesus = Why would you believe in something that isn’t a part of your religion? Duh.

Is this the equivalent of Kyle dressing her daughters up as witches?

Lesson 4:
Asking questions about Wicca = disrespecting the Wiccan religion
Having a confessional in your home and having sex in  = showing you respect for Christianity

Lesson 5:
– Making a joke about Lisa’s nipple = horrifyingly offensive
– Having naked women show their nipples to your house guests = displaying your respect and appreciate for women

Lesson 6:
– Reality =  something that is subjective to your opinions and what you feel like believing
– Dreams = a true representation of things that are actually happening when you’re not around

I hope you all learned something. Now stop being so negative and get out there and spread some love and light by doing the exact opposite of everything you preach!

And I just had to share this absolutely beautiful poem I found on Carlton’s Bravo Blog:

Joody:
Roses are red,

Carlton is blue,
‘Cause Kyle didn’t like the smell of poo in her loo.